What Are My Qualifications To Write This Book? None Really. So Why Should You Read It? Here's Why: I'm A Little Fat. If A Thin Guy Were To Write About A Love Of Food And Eating I'd Highly Recommend That You Do Not Read His Book. Bacon. Mcdonalds. Cinnabon. Hot Pockets. Kale. Stand-up Comedian And Author Jim Gaffigan Has Made His Career Rhapsodizing Over The Most Treasured Dishes Of The American Diet (choking On Bacon Is Like Getting Murdered By Your Lover) And Decrying The Worst Offenders (kale Is The Early Morning Of Foods). Insights Include Why He Believes Coconut Water Was Invented To Get People To Stop Drinking Coconut Water, Why Pretzel Bread Is #3 On His Most Important Inventions Of Humankind (behind The Wheel And The Computer), And The Answer To The Age-old Question Which Animal Is More Delicious: The Pig, The Cow, Or The Bacon Cheeseburger? Why Food? -- Curriculum Vitae -- An Eatie, Not A Foodie -- Why Dad Is Fat -- Not Slim Jim -- Proud American -- The Buffet Rule -- Cup Of Gravy -- The Geography Of American Food -- Seabugland -- Eating Bbqland -- Super Bowl Sunday Foodland -- Mexican Foodland -- Wineland -- Coffeeland -- Food Anxietyland -- At Least I Don't Eat Blubber -- Nobody Really Likes Fruit -- Even Fewer People Like Vegetables -- Salad Days -- Whole Foods Nation -- More Watery Water -- Something's Fishy -- Animal Eater -- Steak: The Manly Meat -- Kobe Beef: The Decadent Meat -- Not The City In Italy -- Bacon: The Candy Of Meat -- Pastrami Playdate -- Corned Beef: There's Something About Reuben -- Hot Dogs And Sausages: The Missing Links -- Gyro: The Last Call Meal -- The Cheeseburger: America's Sweetheart -- French Fries: My Fair Potato -- Top Microwave Chef -- Museum Of Food -- Hot Pockets: A Blessing And A Curse -- He's Here! -- Say Cheese -- Crackers: The Adult Junk Food -- The Royal Treatment -- Non-royal Treatment -- International Relations -- My Longtime Companion -- Looking For Mr. Goodburger -- Comida Rapida -- I Need A Hero -- Chicken Dance -- Pizza: That's Amore -- The People's Court -- Ketchup: King Of The Condiments -- Just Desserts -- Ice Cream: Forever Young -- Let Them Eat Cake -- Airports: My Home Away From Home -- Breakfast: A Reason To Get Out Of Bed -- The Bagel: My Everything -- Doughnuts: The Circle Of Life -- House Of Carbs -- The Celebration Of Food -- Family Dinner -- Last Supper -- The Final Meal. Jim Gaffigan.

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