Shares Observations On Topics Ranging From Ways To Make Money Off A Spouse, To Fidelity, Neuroses, Sex, And Death. Is Love Necessary? -- Why Do I Hate You So Much? -- How Can I Make Money Of My Spouse? -- Compassion--is It Overrated? -- The Six Laws Of Spiritual Success -- The Fourteen Bylaws Of Spiritual Awakening -- Twenty-three Addendums And Sublaws Regarding Anything Spiritual And Successful -- The Johnny Appleseed Syndrome -- Eight Dumbass Ways We Fuck Ourselves Up -- Men Who Actually Marry Their Mothers -- Letting Go Of Everything You Fear--it's Scary! -- Learning To Crawl -- Emotional Ice Hockey -- Do You Even Deserve A Relationship? -- Maybe I'm So Psychologically Damaged That I Need Professional Help That A Book Won't Solve -- Role-playing, Or But I'm Not You And I Never Will Be--thank God! -- Allowing God Into Your Life -- Conferencing With God -- Negotiating With God For What You Want--and Getting It! -- But I Don't Wanna Be Happy--waa! Waa! -- Is A Partner Always Necessary? -- The Spear And The Shield -- Orgasm, Schmorgasm! -- [the Penis Or The Pickle] -- Monogamy--is It For You? -- Why Can't I Sleep Around And Still Love You? -- How To Fake An Orgasm To Show Your Love, Or The Art Of The Squeal -- Male Orgasm Faking -- Drawing Up A Sexual Constitution -- Intimacy Does Not Always Have To Go Along With Sex -- Getting Your Rocks Off Can Start An Avalanche -- Pros And (very Few) Cons Of A Third Party In The Bedroom -- Fantasy And Reality ... And Hookers -- How To Get Your Partner Off ... The Dime -- I Wish His Penis Were As Big As His Heart -- I Wish I Could Actually Think Of Her Even Once During Masturbation -- Why Do I Have To Picture Our Maid Watching Us To Achieve Orgasm? Janeane Garofalo And Ben Stiller As Told To Ben Stiller And Janeane Garofalo ; Preface By Ben Stiller ; Foreword By Janeane Garofalo.