Stop the Hurting

Mary Pipher's bestselling Reviving Ophelia triggered widespread interest in the culture of preteen and teenage girls and the seeming epidemic of relational aggression (bullying) among them. Gossip, teasing, forming cliques, and other cruel behaviors are the basis of this bullying, which harms both victim and aggressor. Until now, no one has been able to offer practical and effective solutions that stop girls from hurting each other with words and actions. But in Girl Wars, two experts explain not only how to prevent such behavior but also how to intervene should it happen, as well as overcome the culture that breeds it.

Illustrated by compelling true stories from mothers and girls, the authors offer effective, easy-to-implement strategies that range from preventive to prescriptive, such as how to

• Adopt a "help, don't hurt" strategy
  
  


• Provide positive role models
  
  


• Teach communication skills online and off
  
  


• Stress assertiveness, not aggressiveness
  
  


• Learn conflict resolution skills
  
  


• Identify alternatives to bullying behavior
  
  

With their combined experience in offering and evaluating programs that combat bullying, the authors show that girls not only want to help rather than hurt each other, they can do so with guidance from concerned adults.

In recent years, aggressive behavior has been redefined as a more serious social problem with long-term effects for bullies, victims, and society. These books present step-by-step approaches toward addressing the problem and increasing the emotional intelligence of youth. Rooting Girl Wars in Mary Pipher's groundbreaking Reviving Ophelia, Dellasega (Pennsylvania State Coll. of Medicine; Surviving Ophelia) and Nixon (psychology, Pennsylvania State Univ., Erie) present 12 strategies for combating "relational aggression." These range from preventative skills to coping mechanisms and creative techniques for mobilizing fathers and community organizations in promoting antibullying behavior. The goal is to strengthen young women while creating social change in which "confident kindness" becomes more highly valued-the very goal of the Ophelia Project (www.opheliaproject.org), with which both authors are active. Similarly, Kuther (developmental psychology, Western Connecticut State Univ.; The Psychology Major's Handbook) doesn't ground Gimme Your Lunch Money! in a theoretical perspective but focuses on actions to decrease bullying in middle school and beyond. She describes the range of bullying behavior and the characteristics of perpetrators and victims, in addition to suggesting techniques that parents can use to empower their children (e.g., social skill enhancement, confidence building, stress and anger management, and school-based activities). Although the author repeats herself, her information is practical and sprinkled with useful summaries and bulleted text. Both books incorporate current findings and conclude with useful web and print resources as well as tools for assessing the climate of bullying in a child's environment; both would also be useful for parenting collections in public libraries based on need. While Girl Wars is recommended for its gender specificity, Gimme Your Lunch Money! is well organized but not a necessary purchase if similar books (e.g., Peter Sheras's Your Child: Bully or Victim? Ending School Yard Tyranny) have been acquired.-Antoinette Brinkman, M.L.S., Evansville, IN Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.

Categories:

• Parenting & Relationships
  
  
  • Parenting
    • Parenting Girls